i like here.

2003-08-15T00:12:00.000-07:00

little tokyo is cool. chinatown is dirty. LA is hot. tonkatsu rules. amoeba music is huge. less is more? yeah right.

2003-08-13T14:32:00.000-07:00

call me a loser... >the end.<

... but i cant wait for school. summer's promises have already dissipated. school just makes me feel more productive. not just some slob rotting away infront of the television or computer. not that theres anything wrong with that for a certain amount of time. ive just grown tired of its inherent inevitable staleness. deal with it.

my hair's pretty wicked right now. but for some reason the idea of getting a haircut has slipped into a subconcious favoring. perhaps something a little more stylish. i dont mind the long uncombed rugged look and neither do the ladies mind you. well i dont know. i guess im always unsatisfied with my hair. nothing has ever been good enough. maybe im just not patient enough. perfection takes time. bleh. fuck vanity. pysch.

got books yesterday. further feeding the anticipation of college's return. but summer's not over is it? theres still so much that i must do. haha. i must? yeah right.

skateboarding is fun. but im getting pretty fucking pissed. and tired. must be gettin old. im saving up for a rick mckrank board. i think.

catch phrase count: 5?

listening to: franklin for short - andalusia

2003-08-12T02:02:00.000-07:00

fuckingxanga.likeireallyhaveanythingtosayanyway.
butthatpieceofshitisntworkingrightnow.
hmmithinkillstartalivejournal.whoopee.
wait.someoneinvitemein.doh!

2003-06-10T19:25:00.000-07:00

temporarily xangafied.

2003-05-23T11:34:00.000-07:00

whoa what a week.

monday. washed all the cars in our driveway. got lifted *cough* its been too long. watched the matrix reloaded wth trong and tony. my thoughts on that movie later. before i forget har har.
tuesday. mowed he lawn. went to anacapa surf shop with rob. ate some chili dogs. jammed with mike and nelvin. went to gns. missed smallville. but i got a tape. but i keep forgetting to watch it. har har.
wednesday. ed, mark, and rob came by. went to mikes house to 'jam' . went to toys r us to look for hulk hands. watched the mavs lose on tv. played xbox til 12 with mike, lex and jess.
thursday. played our set for mikes uncle and his friend. jammed with them. it was fun we but got told to conform.drwned our sorrows in chili dogs.
friday nothing yet. but im broke
the weekend. i dont know.
the summer is looking up.

2003-05-19T17:27:00.000-07:00

ahoy there mateys, summer breeze makes me feel fine. but summer school is a different story.

thats what i get for slacking off and not taking things as seriously as i should have. thats a real bad habit of mine. im either not taking things seriously or taking them too seriously and blowing things out of proportion. its a vicious cycle. im unhappy because i slack off and i slack off because im unhappy. ill try to write in here more as things hapen.

2003-05-07T09:17:00.000-07:00

finally the last real day of school. it seems like school is the only thing on my mind. but i really just put all the other stuff in my xanga. this site is just for the casual fan. no real plans or any major happenings i wish to report here. i might get rid of this site. maybe. until blogger or xanga decides to do me wrong. go ahead. i dare one of you two.

2003-05-05T09:08:00.000-07:00

3 more real days of class left. and then finals. finals? hahaha what a joke of a word. the only final i might possibly burn some brain cells on is the english final. other than that, piano is cake, music tech is a bigger cake maybe even a pizza pie, and pyschology is optional. its great to be me right now. so god damn lazy and damn proud. well not really. im kind of ashamed actually. the week ends wednesday and finals start thursday. all my finals are next week so i have a 4 day weekend. happy times indeed.

no plans. theres a chance my family might head to san diego this weekend. but theyre not promising anything. and neither am i.

2003-04-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

school has been so much better lately. why? because its almost over. and life on top of that is pretty good too. if you know what im talking about. well the rest of the week looks to be the same. on the weekend im going camping with the family. but im kind of disappointed that i have to miss the transistor legion/franklin for short show at the ventura theater on saturday. but at least i got some scene points for mentioning it...

2003-04-27T17:50:00.000-07:00

what have i been upto? nothing much really. im now addicted to drummania. yesterday was angelos "bday party". which we spent at golf and stuff. life seems to be looking up now that that fucking essay is done. i just want classes to end already. yes. classes to end and summr to begin. something tells me this summer is gonna be fucking wicked awesome.

2003-04-25T16:34:00.000-07:00

essay is done. summer is here. and im 44 percent black.

life is good.

2003-04-24T09:08:00.000-07:00

I scored a 44% on the "How BLACK ARE YOU ?" Quizie! What about you?

2003-04-23T09:05:00.000-07:00

looking up, if i may, elaborate because theres a new point of view to take on life. but ill write about that in my xanga.

looking up because there were potential concerts to go to this week. the eln show last night, which i didnt make it to if it even happened. the mars volta show on thursday which i will definitely not make it to, but i scored some scene points mentioning it. and coachella this weekend in sd. which there is still a one percent chance i could make it. but i probably wont.

and thats why my life was looking up. other than that. schools almost over and its getting less and less demanding everyday. except for that damn research paper i jave to do in english due friday by 4pm. damn you procrastination. damn you to hell.

2003-04-22T15:18:00.000-07:00

life is the same old shit. but it could be looking up.

2003-04-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

friday night i actually went to golf n stuff. and uhh saturday too. and sunday. but i did not play inidtial D out of control like i used to. ive grown past that. i mean playing with no remorse and no regard to the dollars slowly being sucked out of my wallet. im still very into the game. but i play drummania more now. im actually quite kickin rad at it. not. but its good fun.

3 more real weeks of school. then finals. then summer. i dont really have much to look forward to besides the 50 cent show is sd. haha i kid i kid. but there is a coldplay show on may 30th and if i can get my act together i can make it up there. oh yeah its in san jose. and theres a lovely companion and a free ticket waiting for me. for some reason i really feel that this needs to happen. even though, most likely, it will not.

gotta get started on my research paper. damn.

2003-04-19T10:42:00.000-07:00

i guess ill write my daily happenings in here. and use my xanga for my thoughts. sorry nelvino.

spring break started off with a bang and slowly fizzled out. such a disappointment. such a bore. but a much needed rest. i made it out a couple nights out of the week and that was fun. and made it to guitar center on wednesday with jess. but im talking about the down time the time spent at home rotting away. thinking about things too much. be mindful of your thoughts. they betray you. damn i thought it was just a line, but its actually quite true. 3 more real weeks of class. and then its summer. woo-fucking-hoo.

2003-04-14T20:45:00.000-07:00

ahhh! im a trend slave! ive joined my asian brothers and sisters on the xanga bandwagon.

well it is asian dominated according to dynamite. and well im starting to see that. maybe i just need to get out more.

so check my xanga for the latest happenings. and how knows maybe ill return someday.

2003-04-04T16:31:00.000-08:00

i write more in my xanga nowadays. and i dont know what happend to the picture. blogger's being an asswipe again. for visual purpses, my hair is getting pretty kickin' rad.growing it out is one of the best desicions ive made in a while. im well on the road to being more awesome everyday. and thats what life is about. the strive for awesomeness. remember that. peace. and stay cool.

2003-04-02T00:32:00.000-08:00

psych!

2003-04-01T17:00:00.000-08:00

alright sorry for lying ill put the new pic up in a few minutes. dont harsh my gig, buddy.

2003-03-30T21:21:00.000-08:00

ill be putting up my pic for week five tomorrow.

ive procrastinated yet again. i had all weekend to study for my calc test tomorrow and still i havent really started. i mean i looked at some problems but i havent really seriously tried to let it sink in. i think i have a minor attention problem. well yeah im just a really lazy slob. every excuse, no matter how minor, i took and made my escape. well i pay for my wrong doings anyway. time after time after time.

i have to change. ill go study as soon as i finish this bowl of cereal.

2003-03-26T00:26:00.000-08:00

well its been a while old friend...

i havent been writin in here because it hasn ben letig me pubish. the problem seems to have fixed itself. maybe ill write both here and my xanga. or maybe ill get lazy and stick to one. who knows? im leaning towards the lazy thing tho.

im too lazy to even write what i originally planned. blah. its sleep time anyway.

ill post someday.

2003-03-21T16:11:00.000-08:00

it works again. it works!

2003-03-21T16:10:00.000-08:00

lets see if this works...

2003-03-17T21:23:00.000-08:00

well blogger seems to be getting on everyones case right about now. and the grass is greener on the other side. that xanga side.

2003-03-16T23:26:00.000-08:00

sunday was an overall good day.

ex love nation rocked it once again.

surprisingly, go betty go rocked my world over. i think.

my ears are buzzing like mad.

thats really about it for sunday. time to call it a wrap. peace out my good people.

2003-03-16T16:58:00.000-08:00

(note: this post was meant for last night, but blogger decided to be an asshole. i wasnt able to post long into the morning. ah well the deed is done.)

the weeks feel longer for some reason. maybe its because they start and end on such different notes. or so much has changed? bah! my life is too mediocre for even change. but i think things could be looking up for reasons ill get into a little later if i remember.

well tonight it was the return's cd release party at the loft. there were some terrible bands, some great bands, and bands that could be alright if the singer invested in some singing lessons. it was really great that the ex love nation was there. it really saved the night. fully. cant forget the return now, can we? their set was alright. somewhere near the end, someone in the moshpit crashed into the mic stand, busting the lead singer's lip. it wasnt too serious tho. there was blood, but none of it as bad. get it? ah well it was terrible. anyway... onward.

its almost time to start getting serious about our band. first, maybe the 'pirates 4 peace' working title needs to go? nah. well ive been working on my bass playing these last few days. but we really have no idea what we want to sound like yet. its been agreed that each member would make a list of 5 favorite bands/influences. ill get around to doing that pretty soon. i think.

but for now it is time for me to take my leave of you. and pass out. tomorrow is another day. and another concert. aint life swell? what? i cant hear you...

2003-03-13T21:41:00.000-08:00

i spent the better half of this day drowning my sorrows on the guitar.

its definitely something i should of done a long time ago. cause it felt great. almost busted a couple strings, but strumming and singing at the top of my wasted lungs (out of key) is my equivalent to a punching bag.

oh yeah. and talking really helps too.

2003-03-13T21:20:00.000-08:00

heres some lyrics. still thinking about a title. and its not quite finshed. actually this could be it for the whole song.

said to me
"wait and see"
but it's driving into my back now
couldnt be much clearer by now...

2003-03-13T10:11:00.000-08:00

maybe ill post some lyrics up...

2003-03-13T10:06:00.000-08:00

man do i have so much material for the pirates for peace. but i dont think the guys want to make it into a sappy, heart wrenching, indie pop emo band.

*sigh*

now that i think about it. neither do i. theres other places and other ways to drown the self built, self-induced sorrows. and thats on the virtual race-track.

2003-03-12T19:31:00.000-08:00

so i havent been the happiest guy in the world for the past few days. but thats because i was in the wrong frame of mind, and i was looking at things too drastically. true, you shouldnt wait for things to hapen to you, but also, you shouldnt force things to happen where they obviously cant thrive. if things were really meant to be, then they will be. it takes time.

2003-03-12T10:06:00.000-08:00

there are essays to be done but...
I am Stupendous Man!
You are simply amazing, whether you are battling your arch-nemesis Mom Lady, the nefarious Babysitter Girl, or the fiendish Annoying Girl. And you have absolutely nothing to do with mild-mannered Calvin.

Which Calvin are YOU?

2003-03-11T15:38:00.000-08:00

now theres a wake up call if i ever saw one. :frog:

2003-03-11T15:35:00.000-08:00

jesus christ you're emo.
cheer up before you commit suicide or something.

take the emo quiz.created by jessi

2003-03-10T20:43:00.000-08:00

hmmm. my hair isnt growing fast enough. *sigh*

2003-03-10T15:34:00.000-08:00

where am i in my life right now? it feels like a transition of a transition. but im not moving. i feel like i should have done so much more than i have, or i should have grown and learned so much more. i guess its the price you pay for waiting for things to happen to you.

2003-03-08T11:40:00.000-08:00

i have a long history of throwing in the towel too soon when it comes to relationships. and i constantly assure myself that it was the best thing to do at the time. but i cant help but look back and regret. its part of the human experience though, isnt it? you make a desicion. you reap the fruit, and or you live through the consequences. then you regret. but the most important part is you learn. in this case, its not about correcting the wrong by doing the opposite, but learning to analyze the situation better, forsee the consequences and the possibilities, and to make a more informed desicion.

now if you'll excuse me, im going to go cry, write a sappy, whiny, indie-popish emo song about this and dream of achieving cult, underground success.

2003-03-06T22:55:00.000-08:00

nothing much to report. just sifting through days again. nothing really bad, nothing really good. sifting through the days.

i guess its because there really isnt much to forward to right now. except for maybe my hair to grow out already. good lord its a pile of crap right now. i cant do anything with it.

does it feel like theres somethig missing in my life? maybe direction. but nothing else..

2003-03-04T22:50:00.000-08:00

well to a point. almost everything is good in moderation. anyways that last post was a sarcastic outcry.

that last weekend was really hectic. i was going to write about it, but im tired of all that summary crap. so ill just talk about sunday night. cause it was one of the better nights ive had in a while. well it was missing words records night and thre was a concert at the livery theatre. not really any decent bands except for franklin for short, and of course the return. franklin for short had some killer bass work. and an overall refreshing sound and approach considering the staleness of the rest of the bands. the return. was good as usual. their new material is a tiny step in the right directon. but a step nonetheless. well i like it..
the best part of sunday night was the company i spent it with. really made all the difference. she really did.. oh yeah and we finally met sati, a prospective guitarist for our band, pirates 4 peace. he turned out to be a pretty cool guy. it was great having more input when we were slamming and making fun the terrible bands. real good fun.

yes. scene points aquired. mission accomplished. peace. pirates 4 peace.

2003-03-03T17:58:00.000-08:00

do nice guys really finish last? yeah they do. fuck!

2003-03-01T16:21:00.000-08:00

i feel like a big idiot right now. but maybe its just the first time ive been honest with myself in a while. cause i am one.

sometimes or most of the time all i can think about is myself. sometimes im only looking out for myself, making sure i get what i need and want. and turning a deaf ear to others. a blind eye as well. and thats something that surely must stop. really childish behavior. looking back and seeing case after case. im really appalled at myself. ive hurt a lot of people, angered some, but in the end im really the one suffering now. there is a need for selfishness to a point. but not like that.

this is not me whining. or pining for attention. this is me realizing a fault and attempting to put an end to it. i need to grow the fuck up.

2003-03-01T12:25:00.000-08:00

original post at his time was deleted for security purposes.

good thinking.

2003-03-01T12:21:00.000-08:00

when you find something in someone, something that youd always want around you, something to cherish, by all means grab it. theres no doubt that shes worth it. the real question is are you worth it?

2003-02-24T22:58:00.000-08:00

FUCK! i swear i had the longest and most meanigful entry ever. DAMN 56K. i got disconnected and ill never be able to piece back together my thoughts and be perfectly satisfied with it. FUCK! i bit my fucking tongue too. IM BLEEDING! its all 56Ks fault. this entry could have ended world hunger this entry coudve have saved someones life. it couldve made me look smarter and deeper. it couldve got me more scene points at the least. but HELL FUCKING NO now. i dont give a fuck anymore. from now on renel wants BLOOD.

psych.

2003-02-23T16:13:00.000-08:00

song of the moment: parokya ni edgar - halaga

2003-02-23T15:56:00.000-08:00

in a perfect world. jaymee ong would be my wife. we'd make glorious love long into the morning. we'd have 2 sons. franklin and thomas. franklin would sing in a moderately successful sappy indie emo band and thomas would be a state champion wrestler.

but its not perfect world is it?... *sigh*....

back to my english essay. and the real world while im at it.

2003-02-21T23:15:00.000-08:00

[bg music] flaming lips - are you a hypnotist?

this track is reverb-tastic

looks like i wont be heading out to the run/ex love nation concert tonight. drats. just thought id plug that for scene points. all kidding aside, i genuinely wanted to go. but alas im stranded at home. all the more reason to get off my lazy ass and get a liscence.

i did have a ride earlier, but couldnt get out of the house. damn chores. damn room cant stay clean for more than 5 min. after i clean it. fu@k! plus i kind of passed out..

now its a laid back evening. if it wasnt for the killer show happening across town, id have no complaints. scene points. the week's been cruel to me. i just want to feel alright now. and relax. space out. and dream about another route my life could have taken. dont mind me thats just weed talking. psyche!

my good buddy khai has the right idea about mingling with the ladies right now. just relax about it. let things happen. if they do, they do. and if they dont, they dont. theres more important things to stress right now. cant believe i didnt adopt the slightly apathetic approach earlier. im so slow when it comes to girls.*sigh*cough*cough*

do me a favor and take more naps. even if youre not sleepy. you're getting sleepy.

2003-02-20T23:07:00.000-08:00

10 reasons not to go out with me right now.

im lazy. im broke. im unemployed. i cant decide on a hair style. im lazy. im self centered. i have a drinking problem. i smoke too much. i hate kids in all forms. and im totally not funny.

true or false?

2003-02-19T16:18:00.000-08:00

[bg music] flaming lips - fight test

"cause i'm a man, not a boy and there are things you can avoid"

ok so ive been thinking a lot these past few days. but apparently not too effectively. but today its come to a halt. it turns out i have been saving myself for someone in the back of my puny mind. and i havent really admit it to myself til a few days ago. in the back of my head i always thought i have another chance. reality is. i never will. its not too harsh a reality, i deserve the backlash for being such an idiot. ive thought about if long and hard. and examined the possibilities and the potential. and ive come to realize that i dont have much to offer in relationship right now. if i were to pursue one with her. which i highly doubt considering shes very involved with someone right now and they have something special. it would amount to nothing of worth. dont i deserve this? i mean i was just trying to blindly feed the selfish need to be with somone right now. i never really thought about anything else. i was caught by all that "go with the feeling", "seize the opporitunity", "take the risk" bullshit. believe you me, all that crap is worthless. it will not get you anywhere. before you do anything and i mean anything, all you really need to do is sit down and think it out. you can end this self-induced vicious unrequited longing cycle, all it takes is a little rational thought.

so what now? go on being a makeshift friend, as subtle repercussions from the chance i never took surface, laugh in my face, disappear, and leave my whithered ego chilled, unsatisfied, and regretful? yeah i guess so. but for now, im gonna go cry myself to sleep.

not.

2003-02-17T15:05:00.000-08:00

i havent been explaining much. and i realize thats kinda dumb. why the fuck am i gonna say something and not explain it? right? im not too sure about a lot of things right now. but i will tell you something i am sure of. im in love with jaymee ong. :D

2003-02-16T12:28:00.000-08:00

other thoughts of the day: im way too fucking vain or my own good

2003-02-16T12:26:00.000-08:00

ok im serious it is.

2003-02-16T12:22:00.001-08:00

... hahaha

2003-02-16T12:22:00.000-08:00

song of the day: southern all stars - itoshi no erie

2003-02-16T01:33:00.000-08:00

torment arises
at your touch
and your embrace
the soft glow of your face
it pulls me
oh push and pull
but now youre not around
and my neck feels cold
waiting all night and
nothing's gonna give
"what about what we found?"
discarded
oh pushed and pulled
what we had, in many ways
is nothing now
i think feel it
lingering
trying to hold on
desperately
it needs to disappear
time to move on
i feel it dying
its soft, somber death once again

2003-02-14T16:40:00.000-08:00

HAPPY VD DAY EVERYBODY!

let's see how many people get this...

2003-02-12T21:29:00.000-08:00

[bg music] rocket from the crypt - savoir faire

im liking this weather. its so nice and cold but the wind chill really brings the degrees really low, thats the best part. and the rain... dont get me started on the rain, i may not want to stop. its just so great to be having such bad weaher for a change. so refreshing. :D

schools not really too bad nowadays. kinda carefree. except for a calc test tomorrow. doh! and an essay im gonna have to pull out of my ass for english tomorrow. but other than that, its really cruising at a relaxing pace.

valentines day is upon us. and surprisingly enough, a ladies man like me has no one to spend it with. what is this world coming to? i mean really...

2003-02-11T21:47:00.000-08:00

i just realized that ive never been fully successful at anything i ever tried to do

2003-02-11T15:35:00.000-08:00

i have a confession to make... i umm think about other basses when i play mine. i..i feel so ashamed...

2003-02-10T21:56:00.000-08:00

kindergarten cop is by far on of the best movies ever made.

2003-02-08T22:29:00.000-08:00

nelvotron2000: yo
Th3AbstractOne: hey whats crackin?
nelvotron2000: nothing much
nelvotron2000: just reading some tutes
nelvotron2000: you?
nelvotron2000: and talking of course
Th3AbstractOne: haha tutes?
Th3AbstractOne: im talking
nelvotron2000: tutorials
Th3AbstractOne: oh
Th3AbstractOne: on what?
nelvotron2000: on how to make realistic hair
Th3AbstractOne: hahaha
Th3AbstractOne: do i need to ask why?
nelvotron2000: uh you can if you want
Th3AbstractOne: ok
Th3AbstractOne: why?
nelvotron2000: for art
Th3AbstractOne: is it for a class?
nelvotron2000: nah
nelvotron2000: for self interest
Th3AbstractOne: ah i see
nelvotron2000: computer rendering of course
nelvotron2000: did you think i was trying to make a wig or something
nelvotron2000: ?
Th3AbstractOne: haha ummm no
Th3AbstractOne: sorta
nelvotron2000: what did you think?
Th3AbstractOne: yeah i thought you were gonna try and make real hair
nelvotron2000: haha
Th3AbstractOne: but i couldnt picture what you do with it
Th3AbstractOne: cause you said it was for art
nelvotron2000: hahaha
nelvotron2000: i was gonna put it on a plywood board, spray paint all over it in different colors and write 'smack!' on the top of the board and put it in a gallery
Th3AbstractOne: haha
Th3AbstractOne: you never know what kind of weird directions contemporary art has taken
nelvotron2000: yeah
nelvotron2000: like a crazed squirrel on crack running in a maze made of mirrors like in enter the dragon
nelvotron2000: and some sort of Mr. Han squirrel dude dressed in a walnut suit mocking him
Th3AbstractOne: hahahaha

2003-02-08T22:03:00.001-08:00

you know im kidding right? right?!

2003-02-08T22:03:00.000-08:00

ok some people are getting the wrong idea about the last post.

maybe i shouldve elaborated on specific good things about relationships and not just having sex on a daily basis...?

2003-02-08T20:20:00.000-08:00

i guess in the back of my head, i was saving myself for someone. but shes long gone. im over that. i shouldve been so long ago. that would explain why i havent been with anyone right now. but theres a conflict in me right now. in one instance i want to be with someone. i want all the good things that come with it. and in another, i dont want a relationship. i like how im living. no worries. doing things my way. i dont want to be tied down. but whos to say that i will be? im just searching for excuses.

one things or sure, im getting a little tired of the way things are right now.

2003-02-07T23:51:00.000-08:00

drifting, floating
grasping air through my hands
as it leaves my lungs
as if it were life
resuscitation.
regret.
you were there
but still
it is solemn
it is solitude
it is silent
i am alone
i am truly alone

2003-02-07T23:07:00.000-08:00

song of the moment: smiths - asleep

2003-02-07T23:00:00.000-08:00

cant seem to collect my thoughts.

like i needed to write that here. but maybe if i start writing, something will form.

i doubt it.

its not that im confused or lost. i just need time to process.

2003-02-06T15:14:00.000-08:00

[bg music] typical cats - snake oil

nothin much been going down. school days. school daze. need to start sleeping earlier. but ive been restless for the past few days. im not sure why. i go through a slow day of school, siesta the afternoon away (except for today) and i sit at the end of the day wondering where all the time went.

i need a job..?

2003-02-06T14:53:00.000-08:00

silence, speak
unto my scars
unto stars, dead
fading
fleeting
swaying
give me relief
give me release
and speak
the words that lose themselves
traveling without air
as their meaning dissipates
disappearing
reappearing
dying slowly again
speak

2003-02-05T19:53:00.000-08:00

im always at a loss for words nowadays

2003-02-04T20:45:00.000-08:00

[bg music] routine riot - track 819

nothin much happening lately. just checking out the lovely ladies of ventura college. really. there are. stop laughing.

but all i see are faces.

calculus is getting more boring with each day. english class could get more interesting though. i feel the need to speak up more in that class, but its kind of hard cause thats not something i normally do. i really feel the feel to change that. lets see if can pull it off. piano class is never too boring. its actually kind of funny too. just fooling around, since we're miles ahead of the curriculum and anyone else in that class. i dont mean to brag... well thats actually not something worth bragging about, its only the first class in keyboards. music seems to be the road ill be takin. im just not sure about the specifics yet...

almost time for kristen kreu- i mean smallville... :)

wake up!

2003-02-02T22:32:00.000-08:00

maybe i went too far back there? i didnt mean to insult people who watch mtv. and half of the stuff on mtv isnt as bad as i made it to be.

well, yeah most if it is. but baggin on pop music and mtv is like beating a dead horse.

today started out ok. did some chores. cleaned my room. which was in much need. but it took a turn when aj dropped by. again uninvited. i feel bad for feeling mad about this. but you really dont just show up at someones house and expect them to not be busy, or to entertain you. he always catches us at a bad time. either im trying to get some sleep. or im studying. really petty things, but really on the weekends, i just like to spend time alone and relax. we're not the assertive type, and he already drove here, what are we supposed to say? alright maybe im being an asshole about it...? we'll see when it happens to you..

almost time to dive into another week of school. getting rather monotnous. isnt it?

2003-02-02T13:47:00.000-08:00

if theres one thing i hate...

its those guys, or people, who do things, generally things that include a heightened form of self-expression (i.e.music, poetry, art etc) just to attract and con members of the opposite sex into believing that theres actually something of worth behind them. thats theres actually something genuine there. or sensitive there. or unique. or real.

hardly anyone on this planet nowadays is unique or real, at the same time.

so deal with it losers.

why is everyone so superficial nowaydays? is that the 'in' now? some kind of trend perpetrated by some hapless clown fuck dancing around on MTV?

i dont play guitar hoping to attract girls. i dont write poetry hoping some random girl will read it, admire it, and in turn admire me. i dont do these things so i can feel lofty and say that i do these things. i dont do these things because i want speical attention or acceptance.

so if youre doing it for any of these reasons and not for the sole reason of expressing yourself and trying to create something of worth or even just because you like it, then youre only as good as those clowns on MTV dancing around, making money than their puny brains know what to do with, feigning any musical ability, credibility, thinking everyone is as dumb assed and shallow as they are...gaahhh.. youre bringing down the art. though i wouldnt mind that money. so i guess you cant blame most of them. people will really do anything for money.

im sorry if this is overly one-sided. and overly angry. actually im sorry for being sorry.

maybe i dont have the grounds to be saying such things. im actually a big fan of MTV. its always a good laugh and it always gets me to sleep at night. it used to be alright but its getting worse. by the second.

yeah im just really angry. i need a punching bag.

2003-01-31T22:12:00.000-08:00

she sits beneath the tree
quiet, content, composed
reticent, refined
beautiful
waiting?
her eyes strike me
and in one moment
she sees everything wrong
with me
in me
through me
i am
stuck in the wrong place
confined in the wrong time
wearing the wrong shirt
dismay
her face says to me
without words
as we pass each other by
never to be
waiting to see
a better chance
looming in the blurry horizon

2003-01-31T14:01:00.000-08:00

[bg music] zox - the squid

feels so great to finish an essay you put off to the last minute. its a really big load off my shoulders. my mind muscled frantically to finish it in 2 class periods and i barely did. so i procrastinated. yet again. but who cares? you cant escape it. now my weekend can proceed at the desired pace. the week's been cruel to me. time to ease down and relax. there really is nothing like a relaxing daya fter a long week. and thats how this afternoon is starting. hopefully nothing unexpected happens, or guests *cough* *cough* try to intrude without calling first. i aint calling out any names. yet.

no real plans for the weekend. theres a psycho cafe/sway show going down tomorrow at the route 101 guitar wherehouse in ventura tomorrow night. looking forward to that. thats really about it. other than that its just a whole lot of improv..

i just noticed theres a lot more cuter girls in my psychology class than i gave credit to, or failed to notice before. that just makes it all the better..*evil grin*... honestly, im not looking for a relationship, but at the same time, i am. im just an avid admirer of the beauty of the opposite sex. i dont feel i need to have someone, or i feel incomplete because like the saying says, if you arent enough without something, you'll never be enough with it and i try to endorse that. so buy it.

and thats the moral of the day. even though its only the afternoon. do me a favor, take a nap.

2003-01-29T22:57:00.000-08:00

[bg music] the smiths - asleep

nothing much as been happening. nothing out of the ordinary anyways. life feels really mundane right now. like im just sifting through day after day. not really sad or dreary, just lacking in direction. and so is this rant.

the 'usual day' itself is pretty enjoyble. classes arent too painful. some are pretty interesting. my break is spent with fiends, i mean friends. well either way haha. we have ourselves some good laugh filled conversations. but mostly we check out the ladies. now its not as an insensitve activity as youd think. we arent just savage, sex-deprived, inconsiderate, perv boys. we look for class... (statement omitted) haha ok i just totally killed it with that one. well i cant really speak for the group. each guys got his own prefs. ill go into mine some other time. after class we head home. and i pass out...

oh yeah just to reassure all you non believers, im working on my liscence. first i gotta learn how to spell it..

well this was kinda pointless. but thats life right now, sorta...

2003-01-29T17:22:00.000-08:00

your tenderness feels fine
against the midnight sky
but i suffer silently
i lie drowning in your eyes

words travel
but never reach
their destination
stuck somewhere between
nothing can be said

dead stars still shine bright
im much too weak to try
grasping to a past
thats leaving me behind

please dont forget my name

2003-01-28T16:53:00.000-08:00

alright. sharks scare the crap out of me... :.(

2003-01-27T23:11:00.000-08:00

career change. pro surfer.

my reasons later. hopefuly before i come to my senses..

2003-01-26T11:37:00.000-08:00

[bg music] the specials - doesn't make it alright

ex love nation rocked last night. theyre just so profoundly awesome. times like that really make me wish i could dance. or wish i wasnt so inhibited not to. because theyre rhythms were just so bad. cant wait til the next show.

other than that concert/festival. yesterday is a big blur. i remember sleeping the day away. drifting in and out of it. passing out with my guitar in my hands. reading. waking up in a different place. just feeling so distant from the world. its an aquired taste really. ive come to appreciate boring uneventful times like that. where theres nothing to worry about. just relax. just sit around and release every now and then.

todays startin our right. cruisin at relaxin pace. got some studyng to do but that can wait.

nelvotron2000: no i dont dance to that type of music
nelvotron2000: i only exert anger when i dance thats how i was brought up what with my circus folk like chinese acrobatic gung fu past
Th3AbstractOne: hahaha
nelvotron2000: i was once a grasshopper
nelvotron2000: now i am an iron dragon
...
nelvotron2000: remember all you have to do is act like you can kill a dude by looking at him and they'll back off thinking you're some grandmaster

2003-01-25T15:40:00.000-08:00

[bg music] ben kweller - how it should be (sha sha)

its hard for me to piece together what happened last night.. for no other reason other than so much happened i assure you...

last thing i ate before went to sleep was jello. mMm jello. and before that i had some chinese food. american chinese food, but who would comlpain at that hour of the night? and some coffee ice cream. and before that i tasted the air. before that i ate a small bag of beef jerky. beef jerky is great...

...

oh yeah "wanksta" by 50 cents is the best song ever made. its just so deep, meaningful, and expressive. it changed my life. i hope it can do the same for you...

good times man.

2003-01-23T22:35:00.000-08:00

[bg music] ed harcourt - something in my eye

its been a rather slow week. nothing really much to report.

really a crash back to reality considering how "fun-filled" the weekend was. its back to school. but you gotta love education vc style. its certainly cruises at a more relaxed pace. it really feels like a weird whacked out vacation sometimes. some limbo in the educational system. theres no complainin on my part. for all i care i could end up graduting here cum laude. haha im not serious. stop laughing under your breath.

2003-01-22T21:53:00.000-08:00

the template is looking up..

2003-01-22T17:46:00.000-08:00

2003-01-21T23:36:00.000-08:00

alright say it with me now. "renel is an asshole". repeat.

2003-01-21T23:35:00.000-08:00

theres deceit in a smile

2003-01-21T16:29:00.001-08:00

might be going xanga... if someone doesnt do something about it!

2003-01-21T16:29:00.000-08:00

damn template isnt changing!

2003-01-21T13:53:00.000-08:00

must cange colors soonly

aslo ust learn t tyep

2003-01-20T10:53:00.000-08:00

[bg music] hot water music - freightliner

might as well blog. too much has been happening.

well just as my colleagues and i predicted on friday morning. it was fun-filled weekend. it started friday i left english class early and ditched psychology. i know its not the perfect time to be doing such things, but you have to understand that it just was. went home happily and made myself a sandwich.mmm. called ace up because he sad he'd be in town. and he wanted to jam with our non-exisent, but strangely materializing band. "we're the bukkake ninjas" ace proclaims. hmMm it has a nice ring to it i think. but people might get the wrong idea. people might think we're, gasp, pervs? on a side note. a strange twist in the day, but wholly welcome, was when jomarie called us. it was totally out of the blue. and to add to that, she wanted to hang out. wow. let me think about it. hold on..hmmMM i dont know.. i guess its alright. yea...ok.

mike's drummin skills got a lot beter in the short time since hes gotten his set. we jammed on some improv and stuff nelvin and i made up. then we tried playing some return. songs, but if youve heard any of them, the drummer goes a little too crazy for a beginner at least. it was fun though. i promise next time aj will be there. after like 2 hours we head to jomaries house minus ace because he wanted to get some skating done with his crew. we were warmly welcomed by her. aptly entertained. well fed. we couldve talked the night away. i dont know what else to say. it was just such a great time. good times. totally unexpected and spontaneous. shes just so grreat. and so is her family.. haha im a spaz.

saturday, pratically nothing happened. well at first. but after a few phone calls it was almost definite. we originally planned to watch a movie. i wanted to bring diana because she was back in town, and i had a cd for her. 2 birds with one stone right? well she couldnt make it. but its cool. mike wanted to bring joyce, but shes gotten really ill recently. and i hope shes getting better. so mike just called the whole thing off. we were supposed to meet this really famous body builder named flex wheeler with aj, but we got to the store he was making an apeareance at half an hour too late. we were so bummed out. damn i think i still am. we went to best buy to ease the pain, and also to guitar center. that really helped compensate.. no it didnt. nothing can fill the void meeting flex wheeler has created. nothing. you hear me? flex wheeler! you know im kidding right? calm down. hardly anything went right that day.

well we went to a debut that night too. very well done. nice grindage. nice set. killer music. they were really well done hip-hop instrumentals possibly of local origin. made me want to go home and make some myself.but i didnt. aj came along too. we were all hungry at that point. good times. good doughnuts.

this is getting kind of lengthy. so we went to san diego yesterday. alexis drove, and it as my brother, his girlfriend, and i. to tell you the truth, i was still a little reluctant about going up to the moment we were to take our leave. for one thing, khai was xed out. and well yeah thats about it. but im so glad i went. it was such a killer day. and well it was something extra that we got to see kat again and celebrate her birthday.. haha im just kidding. honestly. i wont really go into detail now. maybe some other time, because this entry's getting a little long. let me just say im really glad i got to see her and thanks to her for pretty much everything..

and thank to lex for driving. sorry i kept passing out. haha

gotta fix this damn template. but its time to catch up on some sleep..

weekend theme song: stone temple pilots - interstate love song

2003-01-16T13:20:00.000-08:00

still working...

2003-01-15T21:26:00.000-08:00

new template in the works..

2003-01-14T13:19:00.000-08:00

nothin much has been happenin. seriously. back to the monotny of the school year. but i think its slighly better than the monotony of a boring vacation.

i cant spell that stupid word.. wait.i cant spell..

there have been some notable events in the last few days. there was a return concert at the garden village cafe last friday night. it was a nice setting. very complimentary to the great bands playing. frannkin for short was pretty damn cool. nice, mellow here and there. except for the cold which left most of us shivering. very nice way to end the school week and ease into the weekend. and boy was it a mellow weekend. just a whole lot of what you would call chillin. yes. nothing beats a lazy weekend after a hectic week.

but wait there more...

2003-01-08T17:58:00.000-08:00

brb

2003-01-06T22:32:00.000-08:00

been awhile last time i wrote here it was still vacation. or at least it feels like it has been. now its a sharp contrast.well not too much. classes are laid back as far as i know. theyre all cake except for maye calculus and english. but im determined to do good this semester. im ready to give it my best. and its all about readiness.

alright maybe im exagerating. its human nature to exagerate. did i spell that right? i think i done did.

well as i was leading to earlier. a lot has changed now. the end of vacation marked the end of a lot of things and the begninning of many new hopeful 'possibilites'. possibly. this feels like more turn than new years was. because of this.

for one thing, berns is gone. we didnt really know him as well as we should have. but over the break we really got to hang out a lot. and spend some quasi-quality time. i mean its weird. all of a sudden we're like hanging out everyday. i realized that hes a lot like me. or shall i say what i wish i could be more like. he says what he wants, he does what he wants. without the doubtful inhibitions that keep me quiet and calm when i shouldnt be. hes inspired me to really go after things. and push it over the wire. haha. good times. thanks for everything man. and good luck.

another thing is some relatives moved in to my house. my uncle, auntie, and 3 little cousins. so its quite lively around the house nowadays. or should i say noisy? but i like it for now. all the laughter, all the little kids running around the house. it transports me back to the days of my chilhood spent in san diego at my grandmas house where everyone would come and go. those dear days. it almost brought tears to my eyes..

well i guess thats about it for now. gotta start sleeping earlier.

2003-01-04T00:54:00.000-08:00

guess i wasnt able to finish that last one. ill leave it open ended.

today was pretty much the same thing thats been a happenin all week. hanging out wih the guys (minus nelvin here and there), playin a little too much red faction, eating more fast food than we should, havin some good times. good times.
new years came and went unoticed. hadly anything feels different. nothin new.maybe because we celebrated the coming of it one minute too late. or were we right? doesnt matter. who gives a fack is more like it. spent new years eve with good family friends. and had some good times thats all that matters. i have no new years resolution. i seldom do. i make resolutions everyday. or i can.
its really time to kick it into high gear. the next semester is coming up. monday. argghh. motivation always wanes over vacation. even 3 weeks is enough time for it to completely disappear. and its not exactly like riding a bike. but mybe its just lazy old me.

2002-12-31T18:01:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

im a few hours early. well time to play catch up.

friday. hung out with some friends. all of us we're bored that day. my brother, pam, khai and roy. tryin to find something to fill the time. first the answer was the mall. then to borders. then to the adult bookstore. yes... then salzers. then trolleys. then home. weird day. but cool nonetheless. good times definitely. good times.
saturday. i woke up like early afternoon. hey you got to get a least 8 hours of sleep. nothing more. nothing less. aj and berns, show up like half an hour later. we ended up hanging around our house. playin red faction til we dropped. literally all day long. good times.
sunday was saturday plus nelvin. good times plus nelvin.
monday started out the same way as sat and sun. but this time khai was added to the equation. we ate an early dinner at amecis, at aj and berns recomendation. it was really good. well maybe because i ate practially nothin til that point.berns treated us to drinks. mmm mango flavored gatorade. then we were off to the mall. the mall sucks like if you go there everyday. ace called us and met us at our house. for there we went to edwards. watched 2 movies for the price of none. brb

2002-12-26T22:38:00.000-08:00

[bg music] ozma - you know the story

well christmas has come and gone. and though i must admit it was good times. no doubt about it. good times. i cant fight the feeling that something was missing. something im unable to really pin point. gah. maybe nothing was. im fooling myself. anyways i really share the sentiment with my bro about what he wrote in his blog for dec 26. maybe because we're brothers, maybe because we're twins. who knows? maybe its because hes the brains of this operation. maybe it beacuse hes the one who really takes the time to sit down and let things affect him, whilst i make use of the same time telling bad jokes and making myself look like an idiot. nah im sure its because we're twins.

its a battefield with the rents right now. well im kind of blowing it out of proportion. they cant really lay down the opening formalities for battle, with our relatives around the house. but i know as soon as they leave. im gonna get one of those long, meandering, redundant, lectures. its inevitable. but thats what happens then you try to stand your for yourself in my family. i dont balme them. it really isnt right to talk back to your parents. ecspeically considering all theyve gone through, all theyve sacrificed, all theyre hard work, all the racism, gaahh oh my god im so sorry mom and dad. sob sob.. dammit im too soft to be an intellectual. either that or im a few IQ points short. but im sure its the soft part.

well its late but merry christmas to all who apply. and to the rest of you, peace be the journey.

2002-12-24T00:25:00.000-08:00

for me its crazy like. we picked the wrong day to do last minute shopping. but we couldnt help it. it seemed like no one could. everyone was up and about. i must have got body checked like 20 times pushing along through the mall. by old ladies even. people are ruthless. well thats the christmas spirit for you. right? buy buy buy. it seems like we need to more than we want to in most cases. and like that long term project we've put it off til the last minute. leaving effort and thoughtfulness as mere afterthoughts. ok maybe im taking this too far. im just tired. tired of a lot of things.